Shit

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10:03 AM. Today is shit. I feel like shit. I look like shit. Shit shit shit. I tried to practice photography, turned out like shit. I tried edit the photos, looked like shit. I can feel the bad, destructive thoughts in the back of my head and I try to keep myself as busy as possible to shut them up. But they are getting too loud. They are echoing louder and louder… At least it’s raining out so I wont have the sun laughing in my face. Telling me how wonderful life is.

I can’t find my god damn socks and it’s driving me insane!!

There’s a famous hockey player who works out at my gym. As I was watching him today I thought about all thing he has accomplished and all things he has done in his life (we’re the same age). And what have I done?? Absolutely nothing!!! I know I’m not supposed to be thinking like this. I know comparison is the thief of joy. But I’m weak. I cave under the pressure of these thoughts.

What I know and what I feel are two different things. And today I feel shit.

—-

8:07 PM. Okay so that was the first part of my day. The second part turned out to be so great!! Firstly I had a very rewarding conversation with my new insta buddy Tara. She really helps reorganize my destructive thoughts. Secondly I had the most fun, exciting afternoon with my bestie 💕💕  We rode the bus and for me that was the first time in like 5 years 😂  Then we had a little road trip and we were laughing so hard we ended up crying!

So I just want you to know that even the shittiest day can turn out to be one of the greatest. I will remember this day for a long time 💕

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2 thoughts on “Shit

  1. i really loved this post. i dmed you in instagram and i just have to tell you again that i love your real ness. i totally relate, sometimes i try doing creative things and it goes to shit. but i guess that’s how you learn. doesn’t make it any easier though…but glad you had a good second part of the day was good! much love and positive -maddy

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  2. I tried commenting, but I guess it did not go through…so forgive me if this the second comment from me. I messaged you on instagram and I just have t lwt you know again that I love your realness. I really related to this post. I try someting creative and it goes to shit. I try to look all cute and nope my hair looks like shit. and then I start comparing myself, “why can’t you do stuff like a normal person??” Bad days are no fun. But I am glad your second half of the day was good! sending you positive vibes and love! -Maddy

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