Bubble

Am I the only one feeling like they’re living in a bubble? Like in a parallel universe away from everyone else? Still in their universe, but almost watching it from the sideline?

I’ve had this feeling ever since I was a kid. But because I’ve always been told I’m too sensitive, that I’m being ridiculous and “shouldn’t think that way” and I need to toughen up I sort of pushed all these feelings aside. Trying to hide away the real me. The curious, imaginative, quirky me. I’m only now beginning to explore it again. It’s all coming back.

I make up these fantasy stories, watching people from my window and wondering what it’s like to be a normal person. I rarely feel normal. Whatever that is? I’ve always thought that this is because I’m often alone. But I find myself feeling out of tune whenever I’m around people as well. Almost like an out of body experience.

I need to soul search pretty much every waken minute of my day, and having to put that on hold while being out and about creates a chaos inside of me. Whenever I’m out in public I’m being drawn back to seclusion as I’m strapped with a rubber band. I need to get away from it all.

Sometimes, I observe a conversation and find it so meaningless. Well.. meaningless is such a degrading word for those having the conversation. Maybe.. hollow? Superficial? Or pointless? Still sounds degrading, I don’t mean it to sound like that. I’m just having a hard time engaging in conversations or happenings that I don’t find meaningful. I must be a pain in the ass being around…

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Just recently I actually was shut up because my topic of conversation wasn’t cheerful enough. It was… I guess an inappropriate subject to talk about (it was death btw) and that really got me thinking that I might not be suited for this society. Maybe I’m living too much in my own little world that I start to lose the ability to function like normal people do?

I mean… Do people really go through life without thinking of the *meaning* of life? Without analyzing every single thing? Without overthinking everything? Without spending their days questioning whether or not they have done something to grow as a person?

Do people go through life only existing in the moment? Because I sure as hell never do that! I always contemplate about the meaning of life. I always wonder why I am put on this earth and what my purpose here is. Every day I think about this! Every day I seek answers to my questions. There has to be something more meaningful to life than making money, like this society is so keen on. Money, money, money. There has to be something more important than watching people getting drunk, screwing around in a hotel on TV. It seems a big part of the society finds this important. I’m not hating on society or anything. Just saying that I feel like an outsider… like I don’t belong here. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

I guess I’ll keep living inside my bubble of feelings, reflections and thoughts about death and how to find a greater purpose in life other than making money. Does anyone wanna join me? It gets quite lonely sometimes…

Morkare_block_

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4 thoughts on “Bubble

  1. I have so many of those thoughts as well. Last night I felt on the verge of a panic attack because I don’t know what to do with my life. I think that’s my biggest question, what do I do? I’m 33 and some days I call myself terrible names because I feel like I’m a failure. I can’t stand the thought of basing what I do on how much money it’ll give me, I need enough to eat and pay rent and bills, but it seems that all those things demand so much money I have to think of it. I love drawing, animals, and generally being creative but I find it hard to apply that in life I guess. Anyway, sorry to babble on, haha I just wanted to say you aren’t alone and also let you know that I’m glad you are here and that you share part of your life here and on IG.

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    1. I absolutely feel the same way. I’m 31 now and I’ve been studying Human Resources management for the last two years. Before that I was panicking too, didn’t know what I wanted. I wish I could draw and get enough money for food and bills, but I guess that’s just a dream 😉 Thank you so much for taking your time to write to me 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can certainly relate to that, I wish I was able to make enough money with art or even just organizing things for people so that I didn’t have to work. Or if I could do something with animals that helped them and make a living doing that. Thank you for writing back 🙂

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